Self-C

Acutally i feel like a tank of the US Troups fell on my head. I'm always tired and always in a bad mood.
And for Fucks Sake, i'm ill now too. And i never was alone in my flat for more than two days. I know for someone who reads this, it may sound awkward... but i totally can't be alone. And i never was anyway.
My boyfriend is the one who has to stand all my bad moods, and the fact, that i can cry instantly if something happens that i did not plan. Sometimes i feel like giving up everything cause it all seems so unhealthy to me. And live bothers me so hard that all i can think of is sleep and never wake up. I would not consider myself suicidal or depressed, as i would never show up any kind of a fucked up behavour.

Its just not healthy. I don't know what it is but it makes me all cold and shruped up inside. I don't like myself anyway today. I am unhealthy for myself. There is something about myself that makes me so sad. I don't feel beloved, though i know i am. Maybe i feel like i don't deserve it. Or anything else.